So You Hate Being a Mom. So What?

So you hate being a mom. So what? So you don’t think that there is a club you can join, or be the president of? Some moms hate it sometimes, some moms hate it most of the time, some moms hate it very little. We’re all different! Variety is the spice of life.

So why do you hate being a mom? Is it because of the never-ending hours of work? Lugging a kid around 24/7? Teenagers eating all your food and treating you like you’re an idiot from outer space?

All of these reasons to hate it are valid because it is probably the worst job title in the world.

No wait. It is the worst job in the world (note that this does not negate it from also being, at least sometimes, the best one too).

Worse, women go into motherhood with unrealistic expectations and they don’t have the slightest inkling of the kind of expectations that will be imposed on them.

It’s kinda like that job you got once that you thought you really wanted, and like, day one, week one, month one - whenever - you’re like, “Oh fuck, BIG mistake.” Every mom feels this way sometimes.

And I am not gonna let anybody bullshit you that they don’t.

Hating motherhood is both an internal reality and an external taboo. Moms can’t live in a world where everyone seems to deny their feelings, work, and sadness about shit they can’t control.

But yet they do. And yet we are still not doing too fucking much about postpartum mental health.

I went back to my midwife after being diagnosed with postpartum depression and she was like, what happened?

I thought to myself, I had this baby and it upended my life and my identity and now I am a formed shell of myself trying to keep a baby alive with my body and sheer will.

It fucking sucks, that’s what happened.

None of this negates how I feel about my daughter but it is bullshit that I have to say that. That I feel I have to say that is indicative of the pressures women feel to feel “right” and “perfect” about motherhood even though, if we’re being honest, most of it fucking sucks and is a lot of goddamned drudgery. Especially at the beginning.

This is coming from a mother of a small child, and I know it gets different and changes. I know this because I am still alive and enjoying my daughter’s increasing independence which really just translates into less dependence on me - this I LOVE.

If I hadn’t rejected the kind of bullshit motherhood that was expected of me, I would have gone down with the ship. And what that means, really, is that I would have lost myself and my identity completely in trying to be the perfect mother who impeccably shepherds her daughter from infancy through post-secondary education through personal sacrifice and martyrdom.

Fuck that.

I’m here to tell you that there are a lot of ways to be a mother.

If you are subscribing to a bullshit way that doesn’t align with who you are or what you want, change it.

There are a lot of women out there who can help you hate motherhood less and love it more.

I promise.