I'm a little torn.
Recently, I've had excellent and exciting response to my work and I have also been confronted with some serious bullshit that indicates the lengths people will go to shame mummies or just to be "right" about how they go about their mummying.
Firstly, I made a post about being tired and someone took the time to mock me via IG messenger. Like, "Aw, poor baby, suck it up, your a mother now so you don't get to be tired and whine about it," kinda bullshit. It was insensitive obviously but seriously, why do that? Why is compassion so seriously lacking for mothers? Why does having a child and speaking openly about our experiences as mothers elicit such disdain?
On that same note, I posted something about back to school prep that I thought was a little over the top in terms of expectations for moms, and then a few moms on a mommy page I post to (not my own fabulous #MummyVoices on Facebook but another page) had to take issue with it even saying that I am supposed to be all about supporting moms. I am all about supporting moms! If you want to do over the top - DO YOU! - I am just saying that if you are like me, and get a little queasy around the all.the.expectations, then I feel you mama. You are not alone.
Sometimes it feels suffocating. First, there is motherhood itself. Then, it feels like there is no safe space to talk about motherhood. How are moms supposed to cope? By acting perfect and self-medicating with wine? Like, for reals, as if motherhood isn't hard enough, we don't really have to turn on each other too, do we?
I get that we are all sensitive about our mothering and I want to help with that. But it is important that we all come from a supportive place rather than a combative place. Can't we just assume that the other mother will appreciate and gain from our support rather than our judgment? Can't we just come from a place of caring?
When we feel like we have to constantly prove ourselves or defend of our practices, we are actually hurting other moms. You can do you, I can do me, she can do her. And all of that is all right. Seriously. It is.
Each of us has epic backstories and those are fraught and painful and full of joy as well. Assume that every mom has a complicated backstory. Assume, like you, she is coming from a place of fear and insecurity. Assume that she could use your help, not your opinion. And definitely not your judgment.
One the other end of the spectrum, the amazing @snarkybreeders started following me and sharing my posts. They are awesome. Snarktacular. Follow them if you aren't already!
Also, #MummyVoices is a safe space for mummies. Meet us there if you are sick of the bullshit and need some support.