It Still Hurts

It still hurts when I see

Mothers loving their babies

From the time they were born.

I was only

Scared

Raw

And confused.

It hurts to know that I could have loved you

From the very beginning

But I was too far gone

Into the blackness

That befalls

Some mothers.

It hurts that I couldn’t bear

To continue you feeding you with my body

Because my mind

Couldn’t take it.

I simply couldn’t be the only thing

Keeping you alive.

It hurts to know that we will

Always have hard times

And fearful embraces

And that I will always

At least sometimes

Look at you with tears in my eyes.