She Who Is The Whole World

Sometimes my heart feels ripped out, bloody and beating, when I look at her face.

Her.

Whose eyes see me and penetrate my soul.

The lips that speak words so sweet, I can actually feel my knees weaken.

She is everything.

And three years ago, she didn’t exist.

She was a promise in my belly.

A gift and a possible curse because of all the ways that things could go wrong.

All the ways I was wrong.

Or could be.

I used to believe that you had to single-mindedly want to be a mother or it simply wasn’t worth it.

The truth is so much more complicated.

What would my life be now as I teeter on the edge of forty?

How would I have found my voice?

When would I have been forced to dive deep inside myself and then claw my way out?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that she has changed me in ways I used to resent but now embrace.

She is the universe in the smallest package.

She embodies strength in the same way that waves crashing along the rocky shore make you feel empowered to live.

She breathes beauty out her sweet mouth and brightens my world and the worlds of those around her.

She is everything.

At first I thought this made me nothing.

But now I know that it makes me the most important person in the world

To her.

She who is the whole world.