Mom2Mom Halloween Survival Guide 2018

I’m gonna go with a top ten on how to survive Halloween with your kid(s).

I know you all know what you are and that you’ve survived the best and worst of Halloween but I’m just here to keep things funny.

Here we go:

10. Pumpkin smashing is not just for raucous teens – it’s for moms too.

9. Forget about regular bedtime. You will only hurt yourself and your fragile hold on sanity.

8. Think about it like this – candy is drugs are your kid is your dealer. Sometimes dealers get stolen from. That’s all I’m saying. (Being the police in this situation also works. Unless you’re in Canada like me and it’s pot and then I guess everybody wins and has chocolate?).

7. Just be a clown so when you are crying it can be part of your overall look.

6. When you wanna go home instead of still trick or treating with your kid, scare the shit out of them so they want to go inside, but are not too scared to sleep. Your scary-ass crying clown will probably do the trick.

5. Hijack a mom group conversation by talking about how candy/sugar is the fundamental building block of a child’s healthy lifestyle. *WARNING: HEADS WILL EXPLODE*

4. Tell your kids that this year you get all the candy from houses 1 through 30 and then stop whenever you want before the 30th house.

3. Make your partner do it. All of it.

2. Take a shot for every time your kid DOESN’T say “trick or treat.” *WARNING: YOU MIGHT DIE*

1. Try to enjoy it because you are never going to be this young and cute and fabulous again and neither are your little ghosts and goblins.

That last one is just a suggestion. Hate it if you want to.

Happy Halloweenie from my mama heart to yours!