The Party Dress

I’m going to begin with a disclaimer: Taking a two year-old to a wedding is a bad idea. If you do choose to take a two year-old to a wedding and have a not so great time, I told you so.

Again, to be clear, two year-olds + wedding = Mommy chugging wine. Consider yourself warned.


Mommy looks on various websites that Facebook recommends, because Facebook has got her number with the ad algorithms, which are full of the CUTEST party dresses for toddlers that have ever existed, EVER, in the world.

Mommy purchases a beautiful very-expensive-because-she-didn’t-realize-it-was-in-US-dollars dress that she only now knows, Aya will never wear.

Mommy obsesses about dresses because, in case you didn’t notice, DRESSES FOR TODDLER GIRLS ARE NICER THAN MOMMIES OF TODDLERS DRESSES, so she, along with her mother, buys roughly five party dresses because the one she bought for the shower that Aya didn’t wear doesn’t count and also it looks like a fairy dress and Mommy really wants to see Aya as a fairy.

Mommy tries to warm Aya up to said dresses by laying them out beforehand and encouraging Aya to pick one. Aya never successfully does this and seems annoyed by the very sight of the party dresses. Contemptuous even.

Day of Wedding

Mommy decides she hates her own dress and spends most of the day of the wedding buying another dress for herself and dress shoes for Aya. Despite Mommy and Daddy calling these her “dancing shoes” Aya hates them and throws them because, let’s face it, she’s two.

Mommy gets ready first and believes herself to be a genius because, even though she spend the day shopping for a dress she herself did not need, she’s ahead of the game and sets her sights on getting Aya ready.

Aya wants to go to the wedding but does not buy into the argument that one has to wear a party dress in order to be in attendance. Aya decides she hates party dresses. In fact, Aya screams like they are burning her skin when each one, in turn, is placed on her head. Only one is successfully pulled down the length of her body when Aya reacts violently like she is having an anaphylactic response to the crinoline.

Mommy does not stop here.

We will never know why.

Mommy proceeds to try to put the party dresses, one by one, on Aya despite the fact that Aya at this point is weary but still resistant. Everything looks good until Mommy goes to put the dresses near the child, then the child proceeds to respond negatively *understatement of the century*. This entire process took only about 15 minutes of trying, failing, and trying again, but believe Mommy, it felt like a lifetime.

Mommy rips her new party dress in the process of trying to get Aya into her own party dress.

This is when Mommy gives herself a timeout.

At the Wedding

Aya ends up in a rainbow tutu and unicorn shirt. It isn’t until a week later that Mommy wonders why she didn’t just bring Aya in a diaper but feels deeply assured that she has this in her arsenal for next time. Mommy might burn the unworn party dresses in a ritual sacrifice. She hasn’t decided yet.

Aya doesn’t get what a wedding is but enjoys running up and down the dock regardless of the fact that elderly folks are getting off boats and trying to traverse the area. Aya is unafraid of water. And people. And boats. And spiders. And everything except the Halloween werewolves at Home Depot whose demon-like blue eyes light up. Aya also enjoys the shuffleboard and hugging random boys her age who are also in attendance.

Mommy wonders when the drinks will be served.

The wedding is so beautiful that it makes Mommy want to get married to Daddy again. She cries because the officiant says that the one thing that we humans are doing right is love. Mommy’s heart melts. It is at this point that Aya takes off for the shuffleboard area and wields a large shuffleboard stick.

The ceremony is ongoing.

Mommy finally finds sangria when the ceremony is over and Aya’s cousins love her up. Mommy is very grateful.

Dinner was a blur of Mommy trying to drink everyone’s wine.

Beautiful things were said about the bride and groom and then the dancing commenced. Aya has moves that surprised Mommy and Daddy. In addition to her constant jumping that serves as dancing, she has apparently been introduced to break dancing because she peppered the jumping with full-on somersaults. It was epic.

Aya would have danced all night.

Mommy and Daddy needed to go to bed.

Aya feel asleep in minutes. Mommy and Daddy fell into bed as soon as Aya was safely tucked in dreaming of her badass moves and presumably, how awesome she looked in not her party dress.