Why Not Being a Drag Queen is Kinda Sad for this Mama

Last Halloween (and the three thousand Halloweens before that one) I wanted to be a drag queen. But no one got it. I get that. I’m not a dude. But who says drag queens gotta be dudes? Everyone I guess.

BIG SIGH.

This post is about pre-baby nostalgia. Sure, pre-baby I still wasn’t a drag queen, but it seemed like an option. I think – no, I know – that a lot of baby mamas think about what might have been without children and are too afraid to admit it because you’re not supposed to have lived before children came into your life and blessed you with the greatest gift you’ve ever experienced, amirite?

Someone recently pointed out that I was no spring chicken when I had Aya and they are beyond right about that. As someone who didn’t know if they would ever have kids that magically turned into someone’s mama at age 36, I know what it is to have lived and lost my pre-baby self. I mean, all mamas/parents know this loss – that loss of freedom of which we do not speak for fear of being the World’s.Worst.Parent. but it exists nonetheless. We exist in a world where we are supposed to be fulfilled by parenthood and , specifically, that motherhood is supposed to consume us, and where we are no longer allowed to have needs cause it makes us selfish.

Someone was telling me the other day that her friends with children all ganged up on her and told her that they hoped she would get super fat when she eventually got pregnant (fortunately pregnancy is in this person’s future plans). I get that she thought it was bizarre – and it is – but I recognized it as that resentment (and sometimes that open disdain) that all parents seem to have for those who are childless and free. It is exactly that kind of veiled animosity that demonstrates the straightjacket of parents – again, mothers in particular – not being allowed to have normal human needs.

I recognized this interesting thing about women who have grown children as well. That “better you than me” thing and I get it because motherhood is all-consuming, especially if you buy into the Selfless Sainthood Mother roll which isn’t doing anyone any favours btws. If you want to find a woman full of resentment, find a stay-at-home mom of two who doesn’t have the ability to be anything but a mom and who can’t get her kids to nap at the same time. That woman’s ready to cut a bitch. And that’s no judgment. That’s the prison of motherhood that many willingly enter into because they have been indoctrinated at a young age to put the needs of others before their own and keep everyone happy and calm. A lot of mamas do this – not just stay at homers. Note: Stay at home moms are the bravest mama warriors so no shade Mamas, no shade.

So what does this have to do with me being a drag queen? Well, my life used to be full of urban adventure and dress up and doing everything on my own terms. Now it is still full of adventure, but of a very particular kind. Mamahood is all-consuming. It defines you whether you want it to or not. You honestly have to accept for at least the first three to five years, you are taking care of the majority of another human’s needs and you are asked, not always politely, to swallow that without choking on it.

Motherhood is not for the weak. It is not for the faint of heart.

Motherhood is for badass bitches who know how to get through.

And that’s why I’ll continue wishing on a star that one day, I’ll get to be the queen I’ve always wanted to be.