The Spiritual Lives of Mothers

I used to think, "Who really needs a box of wine? Why is that even a thing?"

And then I became a mother. 

Granted, I still have not bought a box of wine, but it's starting to seem seriously tempting. 

There are a lot of jokes about motherhood and wine drinking (for example: Things a new mom would never say? "No thanks, I don't want any wine/another glass of wine/to pump later so that I can have wine" are probably up there), and I know it's pretty cliche. But not only do I get it, I have formulated a theory. 

My theory is that wine drinking for mothers is a kind of religion. It's a kind of spiritual practice that is transcendental insofar as while you see the boogers on your pants and the rotten banana squished on the new area rug, wine makes those things no disappear exactly, but also not crush your soul so much as you wander around the place you formerly recognized as your well-appointed, clean and tidy (not to mention less booger-filled) home. 

Wine makes all things possible such as: Maybe I WILL take that course! Maybe I CAN stay up until 11pm! Maybe I DO have the energy for this, that or the other! Wine, red wine in particular, makes the world your oyster, as long as you are careful not to ever, and I repeat EVER, have more than three glasses or actually stay up past 10pm. There will be consequences otherwise. Like any good religion.

Other tips for practicing this particular spiritual practice include:

  • Considering drinking it out of a sippy cup (I got this one from a Mama friend and it's GENIUS!), especially since there are probably a bunch dirty and available everywhere you look
  • Treat it like you would going out to a formal occasion (mostly because it's a close as you are going to get)
  • Definitely text all of your mommy friends that you love them after 1.5 glasses
  • Don't think you're tolerance is the same as pre-baby (probably opening the bottle and sniffing will be sufficient for some)
  • Try to buy the ones that are also cake/dessert flavoured so that you kill birds with stones (who am I kidding? Make sure you have dessert and/or chips to chase the wine with)
  • Always be sure to have some on hand which is tricky because you don't want to take your kid into the wine store with you so basically make your partner go and/or go immediately after work on a Friday to be sure your favourite cupcake kind is still well stocked

I'm now not sure if I lone wine more than before I was a mama, all I know is that I can only drink a little bit and probably only once a weekend so as not to feel terrible and even more ridiculously exhausted. 

All I know is that it's a cliche because it's in the toolkit of Mama Survival Strategies and it's in there because IT WORKS. So let me welcome you officially to The Church of Cabernet. 

You are very welcome here and can have as many bottles as you have kids (that's kind of a rule).